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Parenting from the Inside Out: How a Deeper Self-Understanding Can Help You Raise Children Who Thrive Paperback – April 26, 2004

by Daniel J. Siegel MD (Author), Mary Hartzell (Author)
4.7 4.7 out of 5 stars 2,000 ratings
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How many parents have found themselves thinking: I can't believe I just said to my child the very thing my parents used to say to me! Am I just destined to repeat the mistakes of my parents? In Parenting from the Inside Out, child psychiatrist Daniel J. Siegel, M.D., and early childhood expert Mary Hartzell, M.Ed., explore the extent to which our childhood experiences actually do shape the way we parent. Drawing upon stunning new findings in neurobiology and attachment research, they explain how interpersonal relationships directly impact the development of the brain, and offer parents a step-by-step approach to forming a deeper understanding of their own life stories, which will help them raise compassionate and resilient children.

Born out of a series of parents' workshops that combined Siegel's cutting-edge research on how communication impacts brain development with Hartzell's thirty years of experience as a child-development specialist and parent educator, Parenting from the Inside Out guides parents through creating the necessary foundations for loving and secure relationships with their children.
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  1. Part of series
    Mindful Parenting
  2. Print length
    272 pages
  3. Language
    English
  4. Publisher
    TarcherPerigee
  5. Publication date
    April 26, 2004
  6. Dimensions
    6 x 0.71 x 9 inches
  7. ISBN-10
    1585422959
  8. ISBN-13
    978-1585422951
  9. See all details
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Editorial Reviews

Review

"Mary Hartzell has helped me immeasurably in my quest to be the best possible parent I can be (I often fail). Her research and hands-on practice both as a teacher, and as the director of First Presbyterian Nursery School in Santa Monica, have enabled her to write and create some of the most invaluable resources for parents. Her book, Parenting from the Inside Out, is a must-have for any parent...I gave a friend of mine a copy of Parenting... and she said, "This book is changing my life. I like my kids again."
-Gweneth Paltrow, Goop.com

About the Author

Daniel J. Siegel, M.D., received his medical degree from Harvard University and completed his postgraduate medical education at the University of California, Los Angeles. The author of The Developing Mind, a pioneering book on neurobiology and attachment, he is currently an associate clinical professor of psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine.
Mary Hartzell, M. Ed., is a child-development specialist and parent educator. She has taught children, parents, and teachers for more than thirty years and is the director of the renowned First Presbyterian Preschool of Santa Monica, California.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ TarcherPerigee; Reprint edition (April 26, 2004)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 272 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1585422959
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1585422951
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 11.8 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6 x 0.71 x 9 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.7 4.7 out of 5 stars 2,000 ratings

About the author

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Daniel J. Siegel

Daniel J. Siegel

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Daniel J. Siegel, M.D. is a graduate of Harvard Medical School and completed his postgraduate medical education at UCLA with training in pediatrics and child, adolescent, and adult psychiatry. He is currently a clinical professor of psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine, founding co-director of UCLA’s Mindful Awareness Research Center, founding co-investigator at the UCLA Center for Culture, Brain and Development, and executive director of the Mindsight Institute, an educational center devoted to promoting insight, compassion, and empathy in individuals, families, institutions, and communities.

Dr. Siegel’s psychotherapy practice spans thirty years, and he has published extensively for the professional audience. He serves as the Founding Editor for the Norton Professional Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology which includes over 70 textbooks. Dr. Siegel’s books include his five New York Times bestsellers: Aware: The science and practice of presence, Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain, Mind: A Journey to the Heart of Being Human, and two books with Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D.: The Whole-Brain Child and No-Drama Discipline. His other books include: The Power of Showing Up and The Yes Brain (also with Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D.), The Developing Mind, The Pocket Guide to Interpersonal Neurobiology, Mindsight, The Mindful Brain, The Mindful Therapist, and Parenting from the Inside Out (with Mary Hartzell, M.Ed.). He has been invited to lecture for the King of Thailand, Pope John Paul II, His Holiness the Dalai Lama, Google University, and TEDx.

For more information about his educational programs and resources, please visit: www.DrDanSiegel.com and www.mindsightinstitute.com.

Customer reviews

4.7 out of 5 stars
4.7 out of 5
2,000 global ratings

Top reviews from the United States

Kct
5.0 out of 5 stars I love this parenting book!!
Reviewed in the United States on January 23, 2024
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This is one of my favorite parenting books! I frequently give it as a baby gift along with Raising Our Children Raising Ourselves. Both these book are excellent!
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5.0 out of 5 stars Clinical
Reviewed in the United States on February 8, 2024
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A good clinical book
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Kati de Chinchilla
5.0 out of 5 stars super objective and science based
Reviewed in the United States on December 18, 2023
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If you feel, like me, that I cannot be a better parent because of my past and want to be better human to be better parent, understanding and healing your past, you MUST read it! There’s no better book than this one for it!
One person found this helpful
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J. Berta Morgan
5.0 out of 5 stars Opening a dialogue....
Reviewed in the United States on November 25, 2011
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Sadly I think that there are more parents in the US who ARE clueless, who struggle as parents and perhaps crave guidance V.S. those who actually got what they needed in early childhood development and slip easily into the shoes of their parenting role.
I feel sorry that some people who have read this book have resorted to the comfort of their critical, judgmental thought process and found the work lacking for one reason or another. They have missed the lesson that was repeated throughout the book. - approach your world and your child with a curious, open, accepting and loving mental stance. Let me say that this is NOT a book about permissive parenting with out appropriate boundaries. It does suggest that we have to be introspective first before we can open our mind and become available to be taught by other's perspectives. In order to maintain that teachable moment in our self, we have to be able to make sense of our own mental filters. If we don't come to terms with our own mind, how will we ever come to terms with some one else's?
Our schools are suffering the consequence of linear mental processing with no integration with right brain activity. Kids are forced to march in unison with no flexibility for individualization or remediation without great shame - (pulling kids out for special ed. or tutoring that could be integrated into class structure if curriculum wasn't so restrictive).
If we don't create passion for learning early enough for our children, they are doomed to shut down. Then the remediation becomes far more complex than just educational remediation. Trust and rapport must be won, before an attempt can be made to address vulnerabilities and areas of weakness. Teaching occurs only when there is an environment of trust and compassion. Fear can teach in the moment, but the lessons are not the best or the most sustainable, and can backlash into resentment and anger.
This is an attempt to open a dialogue based on MANY individual research projects that have come to similar realizations about how the brain develops and how we integrate knowledge.
The only way society is ever going to move forward is if we can collectively suspend our critical and judgmental thought process and start to think in a more open, curious, and global way. What are the odds that we can make that happen when people discount the whole after taking exception to one or two statements? What filters are they overlaying when the dialogue as a whole is deemed invalid based on their perception of one or two ideas?
I urge ANYONE who anticipates or is currently working with children to make the effort and read this book in its entirety with an open heart and mind. I believe the keys to a successful future society are contained within the content of these pages.
38 people found this helpful
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Michelle Salois
4.0 out of 5 stars Great information
Reviewed in the United States on January 20, 2024
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Not easy or fast reading
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Amazon Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars Life changing for you and your kids.
Reviewed in the United States on November 13, 2014
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At last psychology and psychiatry have got off Freudian nonesense. (Freud was pretty sensible until he underwent a fairly sudden change of mental state and his close colleagues such as Reich and Jung thus parted ways. This indicates to me some sort of psychotic break, which neuroscience now goes a long way toward identifying and explaining. I mean, really, all little boys just want to have sex with their mums? and psychologists just accepted that witout question?) I found this book helpful for sorting out my own childhood and life as well. After sixty years I discovered all my attempting to make sense of my life was nothing but "flooding" and "preoccupation" on what was wrong (leading to self-negation, blame, depression). If you want to finally understand the understanding that passes blaming, try this book and this author. Learn what constitutes actually "making sense" of your life. If you want to have confidence as a parent whom whose kids won't grow up blaming, what could be simpler and more natural than caring "contingent response"? Just let yourself love them and them love you! My first exposure to the work of Dr. Siegel was a six-hour audio series called "The Neurobiology of We" (published by Sounds True). It really makes this psychology backed by real science understandable, at which this book, unfortunately, doesn't do as much for me. Nevertheless, it has its very valuable contributions to make as well. This new science gives me real hope for our world. Imagine a world of, say, just eighty percent "secure attached"!
7 people found this helpful
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Jeffrey L. Fine
5.0 out of 5 stars Recognizing and Dealing with the internal Father and Mother
Reviewed in the United States on December 31, 2009
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The majority of the grown-ups have vowed never to do and treat their children they way their own parents treated them. Unfortunately, it is not so simple. All of this history has been internalized and is below the level of our awareness. This book gives accurate keys to revealing our `internalized - shadow - parent' and dealing with them. The authors understand our problem and point to very helpful methods of creating the change in the parent model and translating it into simple behavioral approaches with their child. They do a very good job of this. An easy-read, they have simplified a great of technical, psychological material and made it accessible to the average lay person. This is a great book that should be on your parenting library shelf to refer to again and again.

Jeffrey L. Fine, PhD, Psychologist: Author of: -
"The Art of Conscious Parenting"
4 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

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sophia male
5.0 out of 5 stars Best parenting book I've read
Reviewed in Canada on February 3, 2023
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If there is one book I want all new parents to read it's this one! I had heard about "attachment parenting" before but had no idea about "attachment styles" until a friend told me about them after having a baby since he read this book (and he's not even a parent). Not only did it help me be a better parent, it helped me understand the bulk of my relationships and have more empathy for others. So good and so important to be informed so we don't constantly take everything personally. Brain development is everything.
One person found this helpful
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Dhanya N.
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent book
Reviewed in India on March 13, 2024
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This is one of the best books I have ever read in my life. It really helped me to understand the pitfalls of my nature, it's root causes and how it impacts my life and my kids life. The best part is it offers wonderful exercises that really helped me to be coherent with my past and parent my kid's wife love and compassion, which is why I give a full rating. Thank you Popcack couples for mentioning about this book in their parenting with Grace book.
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Ilana
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent and easy read
Reviewed in Australia on March 5, 2020
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Thoroughly enjoyable collection of personal insights of professionals and referenced science for greater understanding. Useful for self growth, interpersonal relationships and parenting
One person found this helpful
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Amazon Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars Great book!
Reviewed in Germany on October 1, 2016
Verified Purchase
I rediscovered myself while reading about how to parent my daughter.
Thank you, Dr. Siegel for unfolding the underground of my mind.
2 people found this helpful
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5.0 out of 5 stars styl d'attachement à ses parents et éducation
Reviewed in France on January 31, 2013
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Les deux auteurs sont une spécialiste de l'éducation et un pédo-psychiatre.
Ils s'appuient essentiellement sur les travaux de Bowlby et Main. Ces deux auteurs ont montré que l'attachement à la mère (ou un adulte de référence, qui est souvent la mère) est un besoin primaire, vital. L'enfant ne peut survivre seul, et l'attachement est sa seule chance de survie. Il y a peu d'espèces comme la notre, dont les petits sont aussi peu autonomes aussi longtemps. Il faut attendre quelques minutes pour certaines espèces animales, pour l'homme cela nécessite plusieurs années. L'attachement à un parent de référence, qui pendra soin de l'enfant, est un besoin biologique, nécessaire à la survie de l'espèce humaine.
L'attachement peut ensuite être de différente qualité. Ce sont là, les conclusions de Bowlby, mais surtout de Ainsworth, puis Main. L'attachement sécure permet à l'enfant d'explorer son monde environnant, pour ensuite revenir se sécuriser et se protéger en cas d'inquiétude, de danger. Ce type d'attachement est le plus fréquent. Il arrive néanmoins que des enfants soient insécures : ils ignorent le parent de référence et donnent l'impression d'une étonnante autonomie dans l'exploration du monde environnant, ou alors, ils s'accrochent au parent de référence et refuse d'explorer le monde environnant, donnant l'impression d'une absence d'autonomie.
Or, ce style d'attachement a une influence déterminante sur le type de relations que nous sommes amenés à nouer, dans nos relations intimes, amoureuses, mais aussi et surtout avec nos enfants. Il y a alors de fortes chances que, malgré toute notre bonne volonté, nous reproduisions le style d'attachement insécure qui est le notre si nous n'en prenons pas conscience. D'où le titre : prenez conscience de la forme d'attachement qui fut le votre dans votre enfance, et les problèmes d'attachement que vous avec pu avoir, afin de ne pas les reproduire avec vos propres enfants. Cette utilisatin de la théorie de l'attachement, avec des éclairages neuro-biologiques, est passionante, et très convaincante.
L'autre dimension importante est celle des émotions, de la façon dont nous les vivons, les intégrons à nos schémas de pensée et notre compréhension du réel. Il y a là des ponts avec les travaux de Fonagy. Accessible à tous types de lecteur, pas à destination des psys, mais passionant. A mettre entre les mains de tous les parents.
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